Cinderella's Envy: Part Deaux

9/21/12 - Today's outfit cost $35 (Top, Sweater, Skirt & Shoes)

Yes - I wear lace skirts to work.  I have no problem 'over-dressing' and neither should you.  The black sweater has a layered ruffled collar that you can't see in the photo - H & M in NY for $25; the melon top is by Cache' - $3 at Angelic Resale; black lace skirt is by Bila - $3 (thrift store); and the black suede scalloped shoes with the neat heel are by Vis-a-vie - $4 at Family Thrift in Dallas.

Nasty Bathroom Scales

My bathroom scales were old.  Seriously old.  They lacked any new technology whatsoever.  They were 'rotary phone' scales that you manually adjusted with a dial on the bottom to get them back to zero.  They were not accurate.  I know they weren't.  But, you live with something for years and you just get attached to it, or at least accustomed to it's idiosyncrasies.  After my last doctor visit where they made me step on the scales (which would somehow determine if I had poison ivy or not) I decided I probably should get some scales that might tell me the truth.  I very clearly made the nurse aware that their scales were 8 pounds off! 8 pounds!  (Insert sad face here)

I put 'scales' on my To Do list and went on a search.  All scales now are digital - not rotary dial.  Fortunately for me, none of the scales in the stores had their batteries inserted so I was not subjected to the humiliation of seeing 8 extra pounds on the readout - and possibly any passerby viewing it as well.  I also wisely chose Not to get a scale that displays your Body Fat in 2" numbers for perusal.  I already know the end result would be an unusable scale suffering from hammer damage.  Still haven't gotten on the scale - but my hubby did.  Then he took 7 pounds of items off of his person (he is one of Those people who carry no less than 50 keys on him at any given time because he NEEDS them all right now) and re-weighed himself.  I didn't hear a shriek from the bathroom, so I am going to guess that the scales are within acceptable proximity to correct.

That is one of the differences between men and women.  A Big difference really.  We look in the mirror and see Jabba-the-Hut looking back at us no matter what our size.  A man looks in the mirror and sees Mr. Universe in his reflection - no matter the pot belly. Why on earth is that? Well, part of it is fashion, part is tradition, part of it is (you are Not going to believe this) the government.  It is just part of history that sprang forth during and after World War II.  We won't discuss it now (Whew!).  But it is a fact, none the less, that women are hyper-critical of themselves and their figure.  Some gals rebel with the "Well, since I can't look good, I just don't care what I look like!" (Defiance)  Some gals try to remedy their situation with "I can lose weight!" and promptly try every unhealthy diet they read or hear about. (Overcompensation)  While some gals accept what they have and work with it. (Smart)

You're smart, aren't you?  I know you are.  There is no body issue that can't be camouflaged or visually re-directed.  Some things can actually be re-directed with the use of accessories. Get a great 'statement' necklace (advertisers really like to use that word: statement) or an amazing brooch.  Brooches do not have to be old and fuddy-duddy.  I have had young, male, grocery-sackers tell me a brooch was really pretty. You need to know EVERY DAY that when you leave the house, you are wearing something great. Something that can take your mind off of whatever body issue you are traumatizing over.  Yes, you are traumatizing.  That is why you mumble to yourself when you get dressed.  Stop it!  I have said before that you may have extra hips, thighs, arm jiggle, whatever - dress what you have.  Don't squeeze yourself like a pork sausage.  Put on something that Fits and then add something marvelous to complete yourself (then add the most marvelous thing - your smile).  I promise - the smile is just the cherry on top.  It does not matter what a digital readout says (thank goodness it isn't audible!) - it matters what you DO with yourself when you step off of those nasty scales.  Do great things with yourself.  Let the Closet Fairy help.

God bless you richly.  I know that He has blessed me!

Today's outfit cost $23.11 (Top, Skirt & Shoes)

Look at those heels!  These cranberry and orange shoes by Apt.9 were $11.20 at Kohl's; the cranberry, textured top is by Chico's - $1.91 at Family Thrift in Dallas; the taupe lightweight tulle skirt is by Nicole Miller - $10 at JC Penney. This outfit is comfy - stretchy - and dressy all at once.

9/18/12 - Today's outfit cost $41 (Suit, Top & Shoes)

 Today I just felt more formal.  The Tahari Suit was $25 at Dillards; the rust top which has beading on it is by New York & Company - $3 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; those giraffe heels bring the colors together and they are Nine West - $13 at Kohl's; I wore that large rust and gold necklace again (I had quite a few people e-mail me about it).

I Have a Lawnmower Foot. Do You?

I have a 'lawnmower' foot.  What?  You heard me.  I have a 'lawnmower' foot.  For those who know me, they are aware that years ago I had an accident.  I am sure you can probably guess what it involved. It was traumatic and astonishing - for me.  For those of you who don't know the story, it really does bear repeating:

On Friday, August 23, 2002 (yes, I remember the exact day) I was mowing the yard with our lawn tractor in the evening.  We live in the country and for whatever reason, the yard had managed to grow to extreme excess.  Our yard suffers from some ugly, wild weeds that will grow 6-8" a day in height.  The yard was so completely covered in these weeds that the lawn tractor would only go forward about 10 feet and then the weeds would strangle the blades and the tractor would die. I would have to get off of the tractor, pull weeds from the side of the tractor deck, get back on the tractor and restart the thing (this required de-activating the blades, lifting the deck with a handle that was very difficult for me to move, placing the tractor back in neutral, adjusting the choke, blah, blah, blah - it took a bit).  Our yard is fairly large and the sun was setting fast; I only had a small patch of yard to finish and the tractor had died for the umpteenth time.  I really needed to get that yard finished while I could still see and I had reached a point of increasing irritation with the dying mower.  This time, rather than get off of the mower when it died, I just reached down with my foot to kick the weeds loose (they were sticking out from under the deck).  However, to my horror, as I kicked the weeds the mower blades sucked my foot under the deck - it had not actually died and as soon as the weeds were kicked loose, the blades flew into motion.  There was a truly horrible sound that I cannot fathom how to spell out on a keyboard. Then in a gymnastics feat that I could not possibly duplicate again, I held my foot in the air directly in front of my face.  My canvas tennis shoe was in tatters and I could not see my toes!

I mentally calculated that I had about 20 seconds before my brain realized what I had done to myself and the pain would hit me.  I jumped off of the mower and began hopping to the house (I believe that I would have qualified for the Olympics in hopping).  As I reached the door, it flew open and my oldest daughter, Andrea, asked, "Are you okay - I heard you screaming!"  Screaming?  I had no idea I was screaming.  "I think I cut my toes off.  Come to the bathroom with me and we are going to pray for my foot."  Yes, that is what I was going to do.  To my youngest daughter, "Call your Dad (he was working 30 miles away) and get me four Tylenol.  NOW!" As I sat down on the side of the bathtub, my 20 seconds were up and the world within my body exploded.  Oh my gracious!  If I had been a cartoon character, you would have seen lightning bolts shoot out of every hair follicle on my head!  The pain was astonishing and sharp.  Every few seconds I emitted involuntary shrieks that I could not suppress.  I turned my body toward the faucets in the bathtub, knowing that I needed to try to take off the shoe and view the carnage.  I still could not see my toes. I remember exactly what I prayed in the most sincere and  earnest prayer that could come from my lips, "Lord, please let me keep my toes.  But if You don't, thank you for letting me have them as long as You did."  I meant every teary word.  I really wanted to keep my toes, but if I didn't get to, I was so thankful that I was able to have them for so many years.  My Grandad had to have several of his toes amputated and I knew so many people, who had lost fingers in accidents.  They all managed to function, and so would I.  As I gingerly slipped the shredded shoe off of my foot - I was more than excited to see all five of my toes!  The big toe was completely black, the other toes were various colors as well (mind you - it had only been about 45 seconds at this point), but they were all still attached to my foot.  I truly did a lot of thankful praying at that point. 

The emergency room doctor held my foot in his hand and asked, "Do you KNOW how lucky you are?"  I said, "I know how Blessed I am".  My big toe was broken, and my foot was slightly re-arranged.  I had to wear one very ugly shoe for several months. I am the only one I have every heard of who has a good lawnmower horror story.  You can look at my feet in all of the shoe pictures and see the little miracle I received. 

This is today's shoe.  It is a shimmery cream with a studded floral embellishment.  They are by Antonio Melani and were $7.57 at Family Thrift in Dallas.  People ask me all of the time how many shoes I have.  Well, I will confess that I have more than 250 pair.  As you can see from the above price and prices I have listed for other shoes, I refuse to pay big money for anything.  And - I have collected these shoes over several years - I did not run out yesterday and purchase them all at once. 

Do You have a 'lawnmower' foot?  I really do believe that everyone has something amazing that has happened to them, and that needs retelling.  I am thankful Every Single Day that I have both feet intact so that I can walk unhindered and wear lovely shoes.  I want that feeling of thankfulness for everyone. 

Tell me your story.  Ultimately, that is what the Closet Fairy is here for - to make you the most fabulous that you can be.  It starts with you, your heart, your story.

God bless you richly.  I know that He has blessed me!

9/13/12 - Today's outfit cost $26.60 (Dress, Jacket, Shoes, Necklace & Belt!)

That's right folks - Everything for $26.60.  The dress is a slinky tank dress - $4 (you can find these at almost every thrift store); I paired it with a great, dark teal, ultra-suede embroidered jacket by DressBarn - $4 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; look at those heels!  They are black patent leather and Lucite by BisouBisou - $9 at Angelic Resale; the large lavender stoned necklace by Croft & Barrow - $5.60 at Kohl's; the dress needed to be loosely cinched, so I added the metal belt - $4 at ALMC in Conroe.

9/12/12 - Today's outfit cost $7 (Top & Skirt)

This bright green top is by DressBarn - $3 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; the skirt by J Jill, is a deep olive sheer embroidered material over a ruffled underlay, has an angled hem (I own very few items with uneven hemlines) purchased in NY for $4 at a thrift store there.  Dark olive heels finish it off.

9/11/12 - Today's outfit cost $12.60(Top & Skirt)

The teal top is Ann Taylor - $3 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; the pleated skirt is Worthington - $9.60 at Designer's Second Debut in Conroe; the NineWest studded heels are extra old (purchased many years ago at NineWest outlet- hey, I can't ALWAYS wear something new), but the stud pattern matched the skirt pattern nicely.  (Good thing you can't see me posing for the shoe photo - ridiculously unbalanced!)

9/10/12 - Today's outfit cost $27 (Jacket, Skirt & Shoes)

The pink and olive patterned jacket by Express was $6 and the pretty skirt by Bob Mackie was $5- both at Family Thrift in Dallas; the gorgeus taupe and pink heels are by LimeLight and were $16 at Shoe Carnival.

The Closet Fairy’s Review: The Woodlands Mall Celebrates Fashion’s Night Out

On Thursday night, September 6th, I managed to ignore all other obligations and head to the Woodlands Mall in order to witness their Fashion’s Night Out. This event is now nationwide and little ol’ Montgomery County now qualifies. So without further ado, let’s recap. Since I have no ‘vested interest’ (read: not paid by any store or agency) to candy coat things, I won’t. What you read here will be one visitor’s very honest experience.

Advertising: There was not enough advertising for this event. Period. I went to the Woodland’s Mall website and was promptly told to “like us on Facebook” to get more info. I was unable to find any information on the Mall website at all: for instance – which stores would be participating. Hmph. After the event, I went to another store/clothing venue at the mall to ask why they didn’t participate (which was disappointing as their clothing is quite cute), the sales clerk asked, “There was a fashion show in the mall? Where?” Even the stores that were participating did not have fliers on the doors, windows or throughout the stores stating there was a fashion event at all. The little bi-fold flier did not list all of the participants either (Dillard’s?) and not one food place (I think I might be a tiny bit irritated not to be listed if I was giving away plenty of tasty treats).

The Event: was from 6pm-10pm with the actual ‘runway’ show to start at 7:30. Okay – I planned to stay until about 8:30. The first 100 guests to be seated in the Center Court area would be treated to a ‘swag bag’. I can tell you that everyone standing in line was quite anxious to find out what was in that little bag. This is not New York, so I imagined that the bag would be filled with mostly ‘coupons’, ‘$10 off with purchase of $50’, free pencil or pen, map of the Mall (you get the picture). I do not know when the line started, but I stood in line at 5:35 and made it safely into the roped seating area at the runway. The front row was ‘reserved’ and apparently the entire left side of the runway was ‘reserved’. The swag bag included lots of ‘sample’ things you get free at the participating stores (you know – like an Avon single use magic wrinkle cream), a very real lipstick, eye cream, nice micro-sample perfume, the coupons, the dollars off, no pen or map of the Mall. That was okay – I wasn’t expecting much anyway.

What was done very right: The Food! A very patient and thoughtful staff served all manner of fabulous food bites. The stuffed mushrooms with crab meat were incredible. They passed out sweet potato wontons, sweet-n-sour chicken with nuts (my least favorite), shish-kabobs (not brought out until very late and I was not offered any), etc. There were dessert tables for you to pick up a sorbet, cookie or an amazing red velvet brownie (the clear Winner!); Brio Tuscan Grille had a pasta table with a cheesy tomato ziti (yum) and a chicken salad on bruschetta (also yum). Water and non-alcoholic pretty drinks were offered as well. There probably needed to be one or two more staff to hand out the goodies, but it was fairly tight quarters after everyone was seated and then half of the audience needed to get up and run around (perhaps that was only on my little aisle and there were really only two female offenders – don’t you want to tell some folks to just Sit Down!)

The DJ: Very happy that they had a decent one. He had a nice upbeat selection that was appropriate and certainly loud enough. However, at about 6:45 it seemed he suddenly developed ADHD and couldn’t finish what he started. All of the songs were the first verse and chorus, or just a chorus, and then on to the next song. That was disappointing. Give us more than 30 seconds of a song: we weren’t in the middle of a commercial break, we had time.

The Runway Show: Finally. (Waiting 1 1/2 hours from the time you sit until you start can be a teensy bit maddening). The models were from the sponsoring modeling/acting agency. It seemed apparent that some of the models were very new and some were more seasoned. That’s okay – everyone has to start somewhere. What was disappointing was the obvious absence of a ‘dresser’ backstage (someone to make sure that you are zipped, buttoned and completely ready to step out from behind the wall). One gal walked the runway with her very nice pink dress unzipped about 6 inches. More than one paraded past with a price tag flapping in the breeze. Some unthinking person removed all paper filler from the large bags that the models carried so their handbags were droopy and deflated (it made you look at the obviously empty bag and wonder why it looked pitiful, when you should have been admiring the outfit or the bag itself). More than one model tripped either on a rough spot underfoot or because they could not walk in their shoes (a few wore some ghastly, black, ugly-heeled things that could not have been made for real people). There was also no one to tell the models when to ‘go’ or ‘wait’. A few of them nearly ran over each other. We had plenty of time to view this show, and yet they were rushing out. You could not truly see the outfits, as they did not stop at the beginning of the runway; they only stopped for a split second at the end of the runway in front of the photographer (which was not my position). Some of the stores wisely had the models carry a bag from the participating retailer while they displayed the clothing. Since there was not an announcer during the show, how on earth were you supposed to know which clothing was from which store? I saw one or two things I really liked, but couldn’t tell you where I would go to purchase the item as I had no clue what store sent it down the runway. There were not enough participants. Just saying. You have an entire mall. Surely you could have somehow managed to entice more stores to put together at least four outfits for this event. Upside: the majority of the outfits were cute and the models were attractive with nicely done makeup. I did have to laugh when the first male model appeared and the majority of the female audience whooped and whistled.

Roundup: The whole show was done by 7:45, so there was time to visit the stores (if you knew which one to go to). Also, one clerk told me that the jewelry picked from their store might be unavailable as they only had ‘one’ of some items. We’ll use the Hmph again. You could get a free make-over at one table (the two gals who couldn’t sit down took advantage of this - and it was an improvement to be sure!) 

All in all: A very nice event.  It has great possibilities for next year.  They need better product name placement everywhere. 

Bottom line: Did I buy anything?  Yes.  A really nice bracelet (and some bowls that were not displayed on the runway).  However, I Definitely will drive to the cookie place and Brio’s to eat!

God bless you richly.  I know that He has blessed me.

9/7/12 - Today's outfit cost $27 (Dress, Jacket, Shoes & Brooch!)

 This little brown and cream dress is from Dress Barn - purchased at ALMC in Conroe for $4 (it is completely stretchy, so a giant meal is okay); the little beaded cream jacket was $12 at Palais Royal years ago; the shoes are Amanda Smith and were $6 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; the purple and gold brooch was $5 at Charming Charlie's (people love this brooch). 

9/6/12 - Today's Outfit Cost $16 (Top, Skirt & Shoes)

This brown and aqua boho skirt is gorgeous in person.  The aqua print is completely embroidered.  It is by Soft Surroundings, purchased in NY for $5 at Housingworks Thrift; the aqua top is NY & Co, $3 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; the Brown eyelet wedges by Cato were $8.  I am wearing a long scarf as this v-neck top didn't look quite right on my neckline - so I tied the scarf to hang down the back - it makes a pretty exit.

9/5/12 - Total Outfit Cost $35 (Dress, Lace Jacket, & Shoes)

Black does not have to be boring.  This Antonio Melani black and white sheath dress was $25 at Dillards; the black lace top was $3; and the Isaac Mizrahi heeled loafers were $4.54 at Buckner Thrift in Dallas.  The Dana Buckman silver strand necklace was clearance at Kohl's.

9/4/12 - Today's outfit cost $14(Top, Skirt & Shoes)

 A very relaxed day today.

The taupe colored top by B. Lesser, has gold and silver little studs (you can see them in the photo of the necklace) - and cost $3 at Angelic Resale in Conroe; the olive, rust and taupe colored skirt is Cato and was also $3 at Angelic Resale; the taupe colored heels have a silver fake buckle - they were $8 at Goodwill; the large gold and rust medallion necklace always makes a statement.

8/30/12 - Today's outfit cost $14 (Top, Skirt & Shoes)

This little lime print top by Adeu was $7; the lime Karen Kane skirt was $3 at Angelic Resale in Conroe;
the Steve Madden ruffled heels were $7 at Goodwill (these were shown on 8/21/12)

8/28/12 - Todays outfit cost: $30 (Sweater, Skirt, Tank, Shoes & Bracelet!)

 

The neat little black and white print skirt with black border was $5. from Family Thrift in Dallas; the Nine West Black peep-toe pumps were $10 from Angelic Resale in Conroe (I like Nine West shoes as they fit my feet very well.  These little pumps have a nice shape with a sturdy, but modern heel and also have tiny side slits that do not show up in the photo.  Plain black shoes do not have to be boring!); there is a black spandex tank with a lace neckline that was $3; the Coral button-front sweater is White Stag and was $7; the great bracelet was $5. at Kohl's.

Woe is Me! I Am Not Shaped Like Barbie!

What is the most commonly repeated refrain by women when they are shopping for clothes?  "Nothing fits right!  My (circle one - or more, if this is you) rear/boobs/belly/arms/thighs/calves/neck/shoulders/feet are too BIG  - or too small!"  This is wailed in a somewhat whiny tone.  It's not just you.  Nope.  It is everyone.  I hear it from dressing rooms all over.  A recent article about a very famous singer (I won't name names since that is not what this blog is about), but her name starts with an "R".  She has a gorgeous figure.  What was the article about?  Her body shape woes!!  What?  Where?  Her toes?  We all have shape issues.  Some are real.  Some are imagined.  Some can be fixed.  Some cannot.  So, what do you do about it?  You WORK with what you have.  As much as I'd like to, no fairy godmother, or Closet Fairy is going to waive a little wand and your body issues will morph immediately to your dream shape.  You can exercise and 'reshape' yourself, but it won't happen in the next 15 minutes.  So you dress what you have - and LIKE it. (stated very emphatically!)

There is not a body issue (I don't like to say flaw, because that is a misnomer - it is simply an issue) that cannot be dealt with. First - be realistic about who you are.  If you weigh in around 200 lbs, there is nothing that will make you look like you are a waif.  So what?  You are not a waif.  Don't try to be one or dress like one.  Dress the best for You.  Who you are now.  Each 200 lb gal is not shaped the same either.  Some have bosoms that could qualify as deadly weapons and some gals have their weight in their lower half.  You are not going to find a minimizing bra anywhere that will make you look like a size C cup or find a spanx that will slim your thighs to matchsticks.  Again - so what?  Own what you have and don't pretend you can make it disappear.  You must wear clothing to appear in polite society - so dress fabulously regardless of your shape.

Do I have issues?  Sure.  I have an extra-extra long waist. Most jackets hit me very wrong if they are 'fitted' or 'tapered' since they nip in about two inches above my waist thus making their 'hip' area far above mine.  The results:  it appears that I have TWO sets of hips!  No one needs two sets of hips.  No one.  This also means that the vast majority of tops are shaped for female hips that are way too high for my hips.  The results:  Many shirts just make me look pregnant.  Again - not a good look for me.  This also means that I have difficulty finding dresses (and I Like dresses a lot).  Have you noticed how many skirts and 'stretchy' or 'knit' tops I use?  That is how I resolve a lot of my clothing problems.  I have also reached that age where middle-age spread seems to spread out everywhere.  But - 'you don't look like it' (I have heard this many times).  Why do you think that is?  Because I work with what I have.  I dress to accommodate my changing figure and camouflage outfit problems.  What are your issues? You can dress around them.

Since every figure is different, there is no One magic answer.  Besides - do you want just One answer?  Then everyone would dress the same.  Yuck.  You are a fabulous You.  Dress You.  You can find a host of sites and articles that will essentially tell you the same thing about 'basic' rules.  They are mostly correct.  However, there are a lot of books out there for review that were written by goobers without a clue. I will list my personal reviews of some books and magazines in a later blog.  For now, just start with some of my previous articles.  Let's start with your top area (follow this link): May I Compliment You On Your Stunning Neckline?  Now, let's go through your closet and find stuff: But I Want a Trend!

Ladies - you are fabulous just the way you are shaped Right Now.  Dress accordingly.  That is what we are here for - to help you be the absolute best you can be now and tomorrow.

God bless you richly.  I know that He has blessed me.

8/23/12 - Kohl's purchases $36.35 - SAVED $216.40

If not stated before:  If you Must purchase retail - then you Must save a ton!  Period.  I went to Kohl's and bought the above items: 1 pair of fuchsia/purple/blue Candies shoes (shown on yesterday's post); Croft & Barrow dangle bracelet; Croft & Barrow 2 shades of blue bracelet; Sonoma large stone blue & gray necklace (matches that C&B blue bracelet beautifully); 1 pair of yellow/white/tan Elle wedges (shown on previous post); and a Sonoma large stone purple and gray necklace.  I paid only $36.35 (which includes the tax) and saved a total of $216.40.  If I can do it - you can do it.  If you must purchase at a retail store, then you need to come away knowing that you made a Great buy. 

(Sorry the receipt is sideways - absolutely none of my rotation tools worked today).

8/22/12 - Total outfit cost $24 (Top, Skirt & Shoes)

Take a gander at those shoes!  This outfit is retro/60's/rockabilly.  The skirt is a black and white dotted Joan Leslie purchased at Palais Royal for $11; the fuchsia top is spandex and t-shirt material - I have removed the tag since it scratched my neck so I don't recall the maker - it was $4; do those shoes make a statement or what?  They are fuchsia body, royal blue heels and purple wedge - they look so cute in person - brand: Candies - price: $9 at Kohl's!

8/21/12 - Total outfit cost $13 (Top, Skirt & Shoes)

I tried this outfit with and without the belt.  The belt won.  The top is by J.A.C.  $3 (don't remember where I purchased it - many years ago - sadly you can't see the great embroidery at the neck and cuff in this photo); the skirt is a two layer East 5th piece $3 from Angelic Resale in Conroe; the black ruffled heels are by Steve Madden and were $7 at Goodwill.  

Let's Talk. Now Stop That.

Okay, first you walk into a room.  Then you take a look around.  Then you reflect upon yourself and the impression you made on everyone.  Then you seek shelter...behind a curtain, blending in with the couch, under a table, in the bathroom.... Why, oh why, can't you be the one who is comfortable in your own skin and can mingle with the rest of the humans?  Since you can't really 'change' your skin (well, you can tanorex yourself orange, but I don't recommend it), let's focus on your other outside bits - your clothes.

Too often, people are uncomfortable because they are painfully aware that what they are wearing is simply unsuitable to the situation - they may feel that what they draped themselves in, is not 'classy' enough, 'expensive' enough, 'pretty' enough, 'fashionable' enough, etc.  I would love to say that this is hogwash, but unfortunately the evidence available on YouTube, Facebook and your cell phone, prove that it is absolutely true.  How many times have you seen photos of yourself and wondered what sort of dizzy-pill you took that morning to cause you to dress that way?  Sometimes, it is simply the 'fashion' of the season.  Let's take a long and serious gander at those 80's fashions and be very thankful that we have grown out of those line-backer shoulder pads, over-sized muffin sleeves and Rainbow Bright inspired outfits worn by adults - just a few of the fashion crimes committed by a huge percentage of the population.

Like I said, "Be Thankful" that this has passed and you are no longer bound by those ugly rules of the 80's.  Indeed, you are now bound only by yourself.  I have mentioned in earlier posts that I Love Common Sense.  It solves a multitude of problems.  However, a lot of people throw common sense to the far ends of civilization and act like they have chicken soup for brains.  Don't have chicken soup for brains.  Grab hold of your common sense and come with me.  Sensibly, there are several fashion rules* that you should obey now - and those are the rules of: "Do Not...."  Here are a few:

Do Not....dress like a wild animal. Gals wearing wild animal print from the top of their head to the soles of their feet in cheetah, zebra, leopard, giraffe, etc. just look ridiculous.  We have all seen pictures of actresses wearing Jumpsuits covered in wild animal print - and they ALWAYS fall into the 'what were they thinking' or 'thumbs down' in the magazine reviews.  Do - Wear an animal print on one piece of clothing (and it should never be a jumpsuit), not all over your entire body.  It is pattern overload.
     ** this also applied to cute small animals: while a bracelet with little puppies on it is cute, dressing head to toe as a dalmatian is not.

Do Not....dress like a pirate.  "Argh!" you say, "I would never do that!"   However, if you are wearing head-to-toe leather OR head-to-toe denim, you fall into that category.  Yes, I know - but denim is my 'go-to' material of choice.  Okay.  I have nothing against denim - it is when you put it all over you that you have messed up.  Do - Wear a great denim jacket with a cute top and almost any bottoms - including a white full skirt - it can look really great.

Do Not....dress like a food item.  Ever!!  Do not advertise your love of any fruit, cobbler, etc. by finding all clothing items emblazoned with the food (see above paragraph).  I recently ran into a woman adorned with her fruit of choice in the form of dangling homemade earrings, matching wicker fruit purse and giant fruit embroidered sweatshirt.  She wore this to church.  Um.. Not appropriate.  The purse was great.  The earrings were okay and would have been cute as a novelty accessory.  However, throwing it all together with this huge sweatshirt, more suitable for a picnic, is food overload. 


Do Not....dress like Aluminum foil - (sorry, but I witnessed this and had to add the rule) While dining one day, a well-to-do lady in town passed me wearing a silver lame' lace top, silver long-sleeved jacket, silver skin tight pants which were tucked into silver lace up boots, giant silver belt, and of course lots of silver jewelry.  Umm.  There really were no words.  She looked laughable.  It was one of those "what was she thinking?" moments. If planes plummet from the skies because of the sun reflecting off of your outfit - change your outfit - pronto.
 
Do Not....dress like a trollop.  (Yes, I know that is an old-fashioned word - go look it up if you are uncertain about its definition.  It is pretty specific.)   This is always wrong.  Always.  If you are showing any part of your anatomy that only your spouse or doctor should see - don't go out the door.  If your pretty undies are exposed on the top or on the bottom, or on the top of your bottom - don't go out the door.  No one is going to walk up to you and tell you that you look ridiculous, but you definitely will realize something is wrong and as in the first paragraph you will look for a place to hide. Do not ever step out of your abode if there is a possibility that someone may offer you money for favors. 

There you have it.  We will stop for now and let you purge your closet of anything that falls into the above categories.  The Closet Fairy is here to make you fabulous.  You are fabulous - I know it or you wouldn't be reading this.  Take the inside fabulous that is YOU and wear it on the outside so the whole world can see.
Let me know if you need help with finding you.  That is what I do!

*All along my posts, I mention that we will review different rules every week.  So, here you go.

God bless you richly.  I know that He has blessed me!

8/17/12 - Total outfit cost - $20.50 (Skirt, Top & Shoes)

Today it is really all about the shoes.  The creamy eyelet skirt is by WISH and was $5.75 at DoubleTake resale in Montgomery; the Tommy Hilfiger top is many years old and probably cost me $5; the shoes are great: by Elle, purchased at Kohl's for $9.75!!!  While I was at Kohl's I took advantage of them as much as possible.  Spending $36.35 (which includes the tax)  while saving a total of $216.40. 

8/14/12 - Total Outfit Cost $18.57 (Skirt, Top, Sweater & Shoes!)

It is still summer!  The Pink polk-dot skirt is by Nine & Co, $3. at Angelic Resale in Conroe; the light pink sweater is by Talbots, $4. also at Angelic; the pink suede and snake shoes are by Antonio Melani and were $7.57 at Buckner Thrift in Dallas(love these shoes!); the mauve lace shell is by Emma James, $3 at Angelic.

8/13/12 - Total outfit cost $25.(Suit, Top & Shoes)

Suit Day!  I don't always feel like wearing a suit.  This one is by Kasper and it was $20 at Dillards; the lime textured top is by Dressbarn and was $3. at Family Thrift in Dallas; the heels are BCBGirls and were $1.25 at Buckner Thrift also in Dallas (I have these in a previous post).