Pet peeves. I got 'em. How about you? Recently I was ill and in my fits of discomfort, my pet peeves floated to the surface of my mind and would not be quelled. So - let's just talk about them. Of course for the sake of time and space, let's just talk about three
Fashion ones. The following is not just my assessment - people tell me all of the time about what irks them about fashion failures. They are always the same. Always. This is not a surprise, so why do folks continue to become a walking fashion bomb?
* Your underwear. I don't want to see it. I don't need to know anything about your upper undies or your lower undies. Nothing at all. I don't need to be able to see through your clothing that is either too sheer or too tight, to determine the color/shape/lace coverage or cup size of your foundation wear. If you are not an actual season named Spring, I don't need to see anything on you "bustin' out all over". I don't need to have my eyeballs visually assaulted with your thong (and thereby your upper haunches) floating above your jeans. It is all tacky, tasteless, cheap looking (oh, you get the idea). I don't need to see any part of your posterior emblazoned with some tattoo that was
put on an area that 'wouldn't show' that suddenly is out there for for the world's viewing displeasure. Keep your private wear private. Why? Because "I" means the rest of the world - including your boss, your in-laws and your pastor.
* Clown makeup. Let's look at that phrase: CLOWN makeup. As you age, like it or not, your face changes (okay most definitely Not like it). That means that the foundation, powder, mascara, eye liner, lipstick and eye shadow that might have looked so cute and fab on you in your younger days - just doesn't any more. However, it appears that our eyesight cruelly fails us as well, and many gals continue to plaster on what
used to work. If you refuse to purchase a good makeup light and put on some correct prescription glasses - you could end up looking like Chucky, the Joker, a character from
Death Becomes Her or any number of villainous creatures that terrify small children and people with good sense. I personally know several women of age who fall into this category. The makeup is
caked so thick, their clothing necklines are completely orange with residue and it is mighty hard to look seriously into their eyes instead of simply staring at the mess they have made of their face. How could their bare-naked face look worse than the slathered train wreck of badly applied incorrect makeup? Ladies - grab an honest friend with good eyesight and integrity, gather your self respect about you, and sit with them in front of a well-lighted mirror and ask for their honest opinion regarding your makeup application. You may find that you also need a giant box of wet-wipes. It may very well be time to head to a professional for an update/upgrade about your face. I am not talking about a scalpel here, just the actual face you were born with. You will find that less is always better.
* Super skinny models. We (as real people) will never look the way a model does as she walks down the runway. Goodness knows we can't possibly walk the way they do (it even looks painful). But they have had the clothing sewn specifically to their measurements and perhaps they were even sewn into the garment prior to the catwalk. I
truly want to see healthy looking gals with real figures so I have a clue what the outfit might look like on
me. (I wanted to use a lot of exclamation points, but I have refrained since I am no longer sick). I am
not 5'10" and I have been told I have 'birthing hips' - I need to see a real representation of me out there working that landing strip.
Book Reviews:
I read. A lot. I currently have 10 books beside me and about 50 magazines with arms reach. But, we will just talk about the
Fashion ones for now. If you have read this blog before, you are well aware that I believe in saving money. That applies to every facet of my life. Therefore, I utilize the library almost as much as the grocery store. Feed your brain - it is important. That said, I end up looking at a lot of junk books. I do a lot of research when I am costuming a play so I wade through plenty of old and new books on almost every facet of fashion. Since I have done some of the leg work (or eye work) for you, here are a few Recommended and Not Recommended fashion books.
Thumbs Up: These are helpful books:
How to Never Look Fat Again: over 1000 ways to dress thinner without dieting. by Charla Krupp
This book uses Charla as a model in a lot of the photos. She is a real
sized person. She is not tall or model thin. She has bumps and boobs.
For someone who bemoans that they just don't know what to do, she shows
side by side pictures of herself wearing 'fat' and 'skinny' outfits.
She gives sensible advice to real women. She does not suggest that you
buy expensive garments (this is not a fashion magazine) or throw out
your whole wardrobe - she just shows you which outfit is better than
others and why. Most of her points are accurate.
What I Wore: Four Seasons, One Closet, Endless Recipes for Personal Style. by Jessica Quirk
This book shows hand drawn outfits (very nicely done) and individual pieces that you might personally have on hand. For those folks who moan "I don't know how to put anything together" she shows you a years worth of smart pieces that even the most fashion challenged could copy. Do you have a dark blue skirt? She shows you how to put it together with a denim shirt, or a blue flowered cami over a white tank, or with a scoop neck t-shirt and a multi-patterned sweater. Chances are you do have a denim shirt, flowered cami, white tank, white t-shirt and patterned sweater. Pretend you are a paper doll and follow her instructions. I don't think she chose wisely with her own photos since the drawn clothing she obviously owns were cuter than what she picked for the cover - but go with what is Inside the covers. Just follow the instructions.
Harper's Bazaar: Great Style. by Jenny Levin
Alright, this book is a Fashion Book. But it is a smart one. Yes, only famous people are in it, but it is not trying to sell you the outfits they are wearing. In fact, the designer/brands are not listed at all. It has great photos and then smart tips on how to follow some rules about how you might create the same look or feel. That is the best kind of 'look book'. You are not pressured to feel you
must have the exact article of clothing draped on their body.
Thumbs Down: Not Helpful At All:
Tim Gunn: A guide to quality, taste, and style. by Tim Gunn
I like Tim Gunn. Who doesn't? I didn't want to put him on this part of the list. He has written several books, but this one just doesn't cut it. His constant references to socialites and insider fashion names that mean nothing to non-New Yorker's is frustrating. It was also apparent that his vocabulary would send many to their nearby dictionary app for clarification. I found too many of his inspiration fashion plates to be unfashionable. For real help, look elsewhere. (But, I am optimistic about his other books - we will see).
Fierce Style: How to be your most fabulous self. by Christian Siriano
We all know he won his season of Project Runway. He needed more help with this rambling mess of a book. There are more pictures of Christian glancing sideways at the camera with a duck lip pose, than there are of clothing, people, hints or anything. This appears to be some sort of biography that jumps all over the place, but ultimately lands squarely back with Christian and the overly used phrase "hot tranny mess" in all of its juxtapositions. The whole book is just a useless hot tranny mess.
Big City Look: how to achieve that metropolitan chic-no matter where you live. by Vincent Roppatte
Oh my gracious!! Just don't even open this up. What a waste of time and paper.
The Closet Fairy is here to help you be fabulous every day. You are worth it.
God bless you richly. I know that He has blessed me.
